sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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