gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
