All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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