Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
