So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize