I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
