I love black thongs
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
