And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
