Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
