Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize