Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
