Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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