I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
