It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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