You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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