I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
