I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
