she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
