The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
