Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
