$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
