Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
