Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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