she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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