sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
