I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
