I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
