I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
