the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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