..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
