so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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