im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
