Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
