Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
3 2 1 whiskey
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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