dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
