we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
