I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
