I just made out with a guy for $7.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
