I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
