She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
