I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize