I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
