you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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