IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just invented taco cereal.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize