Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
