Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Shame is for Republicans.
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