dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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