I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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