I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
