its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
