So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
