u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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