you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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