Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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