i'm signing you up for texting rehab
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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