I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
