dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
