dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
