I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
