whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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