Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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