it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
