i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Im part way to drunk.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
