i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
