R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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