So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
