I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
