they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
